Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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