He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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