Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
