wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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