i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
