Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
