I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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