I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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