yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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