my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize