Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
