yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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