I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
