Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
