He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
