Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
