Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
