I need to stop coming to work sober
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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