Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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