im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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