I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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