you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
