i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
