nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
