The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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