You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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