I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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