hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
