"it" just moved
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
