I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
id be glad to
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
