You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
