youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
where am i from again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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