one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
