She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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