somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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