i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize