2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
