I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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