she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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