Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
