Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
