I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
