Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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