We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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