So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just google imaged poop.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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