I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
