can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
