Little spoons don't ask big questions
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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