we're chasing vodka with high fives
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
