i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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