Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
