I got chris browned last night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
