It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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