Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
