We won't sleep together?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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