just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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