Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're too hungover to prance.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
