I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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