well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
