I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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