he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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