I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
