do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize