K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
