He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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