It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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