How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
