totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
